Already got asked if we're dating
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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