Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
