Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
