Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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