Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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