Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
