So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
