I hate your face
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
