I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
