More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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