Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
