Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
