we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
