Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
