I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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