my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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