He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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