i need an iv and a liver transplant
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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