allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
should my penis look like a turkey
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
