i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
