I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
