seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
