escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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