woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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