I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
