Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
