Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
