i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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