I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
