I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
