i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
