don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
