We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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