My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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