just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
