put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
