I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
