Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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