I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
