I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
