first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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