dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
