hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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