The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
