So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
