Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
