in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
