i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
