I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
