Already got asked if we're dating
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
