I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
