I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
BRING THE BAGELS
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
