I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I love black thongs
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
