Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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