I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
