Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
