Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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