I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
