Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
