Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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