she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
