can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
