Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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