you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
