sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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