whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
