Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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