Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
