I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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