the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
