I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
