I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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