"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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